For the past year, I’ve been seeing so many mentions online about fat people who pretend they’re mermaids that I finally decided to look into this new branch of insanity coming out of America.
By the way: thanks, America. I really appreciate this.
And so, an entire subculture has developed within the last decade and is very popular on liberal art-sharing social media platforms like Etsy where you can order custom mermaid jewellry from starving Women’s Studies college students, and silicone fish tails that can go for thousands of dollars. One of the largest providers of fish tails, Mertailor, has the following as one of their official slogans: “Live your Fantasea, Bring out your Inner Child.”
Who else finds something fundamentally wrong about adults escaping reality by pretending to be mermaids and mentally regressing to childhood?
CNN even did a short video report on these people last year. If you ever want to see aging bald men swimming in a pool in mermaid tails that dozens of children also frequent, this is the video for you.
I probed the deepest depths of fat mermaid culture to try to understand what inspires grown men and women to start down this path instead of the path to the gym, and I was unsurprised to learn that the same mental deficiencies that plague raging feminists and fat positive activists are also dominant here. Namely: intense jealousy, impatience, depression, a lack of personal responsibility and discipline, selfishness, all brought on through various traumas experienced in childhood.
I found the blog of one of these mermaids, and it confirmed all that I had suspected. Here’s an insecure woman with low self esteem who grew up in a single-parent household, managed to acquire a degree in marine biology, and is so incapable of functioning as a normal adult that she decided to vacate reality. She has become so absorbed in her mermaid fantasy that she gets triggered if random strangers comment that she isn’t a real mermaid, or that her hobby is “childish.” She wrote a blog post about the nasty “outsiders” who go out to “crush dreams” of others. This woman doesn’t just pretend to be a mermaid, she actually believes she is one. A trans-mermaid, if you will.
“I think we spend so much time distracting ourselves in fantasies through television, movies, and games that we fail to remember what it was like play and BE those characters.”
What? Is she suggesting that watching TV and movies isn’t enough, that we should actually warp our minds into thinking we’re Marvel superheroes? Or, is she saying that because we liked to play pretend as children, we should do that now, as well?
The delusion gets worse when she argues that people can literally bend reality to conform to their fantasies if they pretend hard enough. So, if I pretend really sincerely and desperately that I’m an eagle, then I’m just as real of an eagle as the ones flying in the sky — and anyone who dares to disagree with me is an enemy who is trying to steal my joy!
In this case, I’d like to quote the nationalist Youtuber Ramzpaul, who in one of his videos offered the pithy reply to this same argument: “If you stick feathers up your butt, that doesn’t make you a chicken.”
SINCE WHEN DID THE TAIL START DEFINING THE MERMAID? When did having a tail, or not having a tail, make any one of us a mermaid?
I’m sure many of you feel more at ease and comfortable when you wear your tail, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t mermaids when we don’t wear our tails. A good majority of us felt that we could relate to mermaids LONG BEFORE our little human feet ever made it into a monofin.
To my mermaids, fairies, spies, superheros and whatever else you IMAGINE you can be, I SEE you. YOU are REAL, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise and steal that JOY away from you. Keep playing, stay passionate about what you do, and don’t ever, ever, EVER, let someone tell you your creativity is childish.
In another blog post, our mermaid admits to being very jealous of others: friends, boyfriends, anyone who has something “better” than she does. And there’s also a post about her struggles with her weight. She gets really triggered when anyone suggests she’s too fat and old to be a mermaid.
So when I heard my friend state this so matter of factly it brought up all of my personal struggles with weight, confidence, self worth, and body image. It brought back memories of me crying to my mom that I was fat. It brought back images of me being 10 and at weight watchers meetings. It even brought back my memories of high school color guard where, despite dancing for hours multiple days a week, I was still big. After losing 40 pounds in college, I was still told by a doctor, “10 more pounds and you’ll be right where the AHA says you should be.” This doctor completely minimized my hard work by telling me I was still overweight.
Oh, the doctor didn’t minimize your hard work! If you had ever learned humility, patience, and dedication, you would’ve been thrilled to realize that you had almost accomplished a positive goal. Let’s say you’re running a marathon and one of the guys in the crowd shouts: “You’re almost there!” and then you get triggered because your hard work was completely minimized by saying that you still hadn’t reached the finish line.
One of the main things to understand about feminists, fat positive activists, Black Lives Matter, human mermaids, and severely depressed people, is that they are in a perpetual state of selfishness and require mindless, unworthy praise from everyone in their vicinity 24 hours a day. They cannot see through tasks without crumbling into emotional messes and blaming others for non-existent offenses. They are incapable of taking criticism and will treat all advice as attacks on the Self. Even though they have low self-esteem, they are obsessed with their Self. Actually, it is perfectly logical for people of low self-esteem to be the most selfish. Since they always feel depleted, their main goal is acquiring as much “worth” as possible — usually through temporary things like chocolate, drugs, sex, or creating alternate identities. Of course, there is nothing on earth that can fill a person’s spirit like the love of God, but I decided beforehand that I don’t want to make this a religious blog, and I will try to offer solutions from a logical or biological standpoint.
People like our mermaid blogger act as eternal victims and place themselves at the center of elaborate, oftentimes exaggerated or even fake stories of oppression and injustice. I’m thinking of you, Mattress Girl. Every thought and action on their part operates with the goal of how much attention and sympathy it can get for their Self. They are like emotional voids, and it’s not helpful to give them attention and sympathy because it will never satisfy them, and their victim complex will leave them jealous and suspicious of your kind intentions anyway.
People like this need hard discipline, something that shakes them out of their stupor and forces them to rearrange their thought processes. Anti-feminist memes and cringe compilations on Youtube are actually important to jumpstart this change, to liberate people from the mental prisons known as safe spaces that they have created for themselves. And it’s our job to reel them back to sanity once they’re lying shocked and destroyed on the ground from being triggered too much.
Our generation is the one where the strong will be ultimately divided from the cowards and failures. And although our human mermaid friends can probably be sweet, funny, creative people who do genuinely want to find out how to lead fulfilling lives, if they are unable to overcome their various mental issues then nature will follow its course without them.